Why I Killed You
Was it because you were young and beautiful?
I don't think so.
Photo: X, Y and Z. Models gather for promotion of the new Abercrombie & Fitch store in Paris.
Not the collection of the author
"In any country there are only one or two people one likes. One has one's work or, if not, then life is made up of unimportant details." Cecil Beaton (1904 - 1980) Memoirs of the '40's, page 192.
"A writer has to be so careful, doesn't he," my friend X observed. "I mean, if he hasn't processed something, or hasn't dealt with some yearning or secret sorrow or trauma, well it is going to show show show on the page, isn't it."
"What do you mean?" I asked with trepidation, braced for the worst. We'd just been speaking of my new book.
"Oh, you know," X replied vaguely and scanned our surroundings, no doubt looking for something bright and shiny to point to and distract me.
"Writers always kill the ones they love," Y explained to me the other day as if I had asked him to. "They don't always realize they're doing it, of course, but they can't help themselves." We'd been speaking of my first book.
"You may be right," I said, which I always say when I've made up my mind to steer clear of a fight. It's something Gloria taught me.
"May I offer you some advice?" he asked.
My body language screamed no, every cell in my body cried out in silent paralyzed horror, but I heard myself mumbling words that oddly sounded like, "Oh how kind of you to offer." Then I held on while the great waves of white noise crashed over me. When it was all over I checked for signs of mortal wounds and bleeding while a voice in the distance inquired as to what the next book would be about.
"Helpful People," I said. "In fact I'm thinking of calling the whole series The Just Trying to be Helpful Adventure Series. Cautionary Tales of Life in the City of Fallen Angels."
It's what we do, you know. We try to be helpful to others. We don't want them making fools of themselves. We don't want them thinking they can figure it out on their own, without our help and guidance. We just want to be of service. We don't want you making the same mistakes we made.
It's why you so often want to kill us.
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